you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

i'm done with the assignment, and it's again God's grace that has taken me through these past few days and nights. haven't been sleeping much because i really needed to get it done, but i guess this is also my form of punishment for delaying getting the assignment done.

thank you Jesus, my beautiful saviour.

my mom's leaving for shanghai again this sunday, and this time round, her presence is really needed there more, with the renovations at both beijing and shanghai ongoing, and being a form of support for nana jie when she gives birth. it's an exciting addition to the family, one that we've been waiting for quite a while as well. i thank the Lord that nana-jie's doing well, and her health is pretty alright throughout. it's really God's love that's been showering upon her, and that gives us something to be thankful about.

i know that i should really not be thinking about all those heartaches, but it really is easier said than done. as i was thinking about everything that has been happening (and working on the assignment as well), i realise my own mistakes through all of these, and admitting to myself that i had been at fault was a tough piece of humbling pie that i had to swallow. i've always been someone who's prideful (that i know), and it's rare that i'd actually admit my own faults (just ask my sis).

but of course, this time round, i know if i don't do that, i'll just have my conscience biting me for the longest time. so i've humbled myself and apologised for whatever that has happened. after all, i was at fault too.

then again, the girls told me that i wouldn't be doing that if it wasn't special to me too.

sigh.
screw me and my one-liners right pi-kia-chew?

i know we all have flaws, and my prideful mind sometimes will just refuse to admit to myself about the imperfections i have. but i know how my words can stink and pierce through the hearts of loved ones, and how i can be pretty revengeful in my words and actions, when the people dearest hurt me.

i'm not absolutely sure, but maybe it's just my way of letting them know how hurt they made me? i know now, there was no need to do anything like that (totally childish behaviour), but i really wasn't thinking straight that day. the only things that were going on in my head was, "where did all that come from?" and just how confusion quickly enveloped me. maybe it was just a way of venting frustration and confusion, but i know, a bunch of things that night tore us apart. and they were all catalysts in making the situation worse.

i guess that's why people like family and friends and loved ones tend to hurt us more. when these hurts happen, sometimes we try to swallow it and let it run deep in the ruins of our hearts and pretend that everything is alright, but the truth is that it really was not, but we're just not willing to share it with them, because we don't want to hurt them more.

so if there's anything, it's s-p-a-c-e that's needed now.
but until we meet, may the heartaches of all cease and diminish as we grow strong.
let the rest be in God's control.
if it's yours, it's yours. if it's not, then it's not. i'm not going to play dodgeball.

08:15 | com[ments] |