Saturday, September 30, 2006
i've cancelled all plans that i've had for the weekend, and decided i'll spend the weekend lazing around at home, catching up on the readings (magazines, novels etc) and just resting. it's partially because of the fact that mom's back from shanghai for the week, and spending time with her seems to be a higher priority.
i think i'm also coming close to suffering from being burnt out.
of course, thankfully God has been keeping me very sound, very sane. if not for Him, i'd have gone crazy i know. but i'll admit now, that it's hard to keep up with being normal, when my heart's just bursting with raw emotions that seem to be crumbling me a little inside. all the worries and anxiety, and even that thin little bit of vulnerability and helplessness.
sigh.
have this strange premonition that i'm in for a roller-coaster ride (with more assignments and more issues popping up) these coming weeks. ok, maybe i'm scaring myself a bit now. it's not as hard as it is.
they would say i'm panicking a little too much.
maybe they're right.
serene, don't worry ya? the journey's long but we're all here to take it through. don't give up, i know they are really stupid sometimes. but life's just a never-ending journey. we're here for each other.
08:50
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
sometimes we just take what we have in life for granted,
and forget about the blessings that we've been given in our lives.
sometimes we just absorb in the complexities in and about life,
and forget about the simplest pleasures we have.
sometimes we just ask for God's love,
and forget about loving Him, the way He has always loved us.
sometimes all we need is just one touch of His hand,
and we'll never be the same.
i'll sing Your praises forevermore
deeper in love with You
here in Your courts where i'm close to Your throne
i've found where i belong..
12:35
Monday, September 25, 2006
i needed that break this evening, to be away from the computer screen and those books and escape the realities of the world, even if it's just a few hours. the peace and tranquility that i experienced there was great. it was something that i needed to perk myself up.
and i'm so glad we stayed to watch it all.
so, thank you.
and on a totally different note,
i've finally watched buffy on my own, at night no less! but, i think buffy's making me sick. i have a feeling i'm coming down with a serious bout of flu pretty soon. been sneezing the whole evening, and the nose's feeling quite choked.
but still...
lord, i thank you for that you promise to deliver in times of suffering and speaks even in times of afflictions.
"surely God is my salvation; i will trust and not be afraid.." - isaiah 12:2
and by faith, i will have no vampire nightmares tonight!
23:17
Saturday, September 23, 2006
with You i am free
You give me no worries
like the sun You warm my heart
and i'll follow without a doubt
now i face the future
hand in hand with you
and Your Spirit freshens
my soul like waters new
Your peace it stills
my busy mind
You are holding me
everything works out for good
for those who love the Lord
so blessed am i with You
always
i will not bow down
to this world
i will praise Your name
for You are worthy
thank you Lord for being my Saviour, my Redeemer, my Deliverer.
for You, i know, are holding me.
21:31
Friday, September 22, 2006
happy birthday my dearest chy!
going out with the birthday girl today was absolutely fabulous, even though i knew i was the substitute *sob sob*, since jem is in camp and cheryl's in london. we did totally girly/tai-tai stuff today, going for a dim sum lunch (although we had planned to have high-tea at swissotel), shopping, and doing our nails before she goes home now to have dinner with her folks.
and i'd tell you, suddenly the week feels so much different now that you have clay aiken's album playing continuously.
and it feels real good.
seriously, i think his voice has therupatic powers. *grinz*
18:12
Thursday, September 21, 2006
we are in this life, even when one moves without the other.
different places from the same story.
this aching is familiar
it's something i remember.
we can't touch without feeling.
can't heal without healing.
only the young could fall so hard,
could be so careless and ignore the scars.
so we will move out of the way this time, making room for each other,
one without the other.
we are broken, but we are moving still.
a thousand different ways.
23:47
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
everyone's been so caught up with those wordy essays/reports that i'm just missing everyone's company a big bunch.
i miss spending time with my weird combo, those shopping trips, going out for supper, hanging out at my place, eating hokkien mee and kway chap downstairs, those late night talks in the kitchen, and those conference calls at night.
i miss spending time with the girls in class, shopping, gossiping, and having good sisterly-fun, thinking about cute guys.
i miss spending time with everyone else at someone's birthday dinner or just a plain little dinner, even their occassional mockery and teasing of my silliness and wrong choice of words.
*pouts*
the last essay came close to killing me. finally realised what they meant when they said it'll be hard. it really is hard. now in my heart i'm quietly worried that i might end up failing my assignments and failing the module and ending up wasting those thousand dollars that my mom has invested in my education, because i am not gonna be able to produce the results that i've strived to initially.
and media texts has been a goner right from the start. *pouts twice as hard* everyone knows how fearful i am of buffy, but i have to work on the 2000 word essay on the discourse and textual analysis of the world's most famous fictional vampire slayer?
better learn to get over my phobia first.
dear lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference.
12:31
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.
Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die?
Cause you never had time, to call and say, "Hi"
You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift,
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.
Hear the music.
Before the song is over.
***
think about it.
12:35
Friday, September 15, 2006
finally went for the massage treat that bryan and i have been promising ourselves since he went into BMT. and how shiok it was! we laughed ourselves silly at the massage parlour actually, coming up with what we think our family's reaction (from farting out loud, to laughing out loud) should they all be spending time having massages.
the masseuse commented that i have lots of toxins and wind in my body, a fact that my darling boy happily told grandma about when we went to visit her after the massage.
needless to say, i've had quite a lecture from her about my (lackof) nutrients and those macdonald-isms. and she has painfully reminded me again and again that i should be going back for dinner as often as i could. i know she's worried that i'll look more and more like a horse (that's what she said, serious!), and of course, i told her i'll make time for it.
and as a treat (since my darling boy was awarded best recruit (in pegasus) and is on his way to becoming an officer at OCS *salute!*), he paid for our little indulgence today!
thanks bry! i love you, and don't worry dear, you've done us all proud already!
19:35
did you hear about the news about anna nicole smith's offspring?
that's just the saddest isn't it? to welcome your own daughter into the world, and have your 2o year-old son dead beside you from an apparent heart attack.
that's the worst nightmare that has ever come true.
how traumatising.i've never been a fan of all the gossip i've been hearing and reading of her, and sometimes you'd really think that she's after all the money and fame.
the latest i read - she has had a temporary lost of memory.
how tragic.all of these are just reminders of how precious life is.
so please, cherish your loved ones,
tell them how much you love them, how much they mean to you.
10:51
Thursday, September 14, 2006
you know it's going to be a good weekend when you've planned it with dinner/desert outings with friends all through the weekend.
and you know that it's not going to be that good a weekend when you've gotta be having fun, and try writing a 2500 word essay on how casablanca, vertigo and battleship potemkin slams feminism to the core, at the same time.
gotta be heading for school after i'm done writing this, and i'm getting a little worried about collecting my assignments. i'd admit, i hadn't been in the most tip-top condition this semester.
(and yes, it's partly your fault! *big grin!*)
maybe they were right about me.
the commitments are getting a little too much to handle. i've not come close to a mental breakdown (yet), but i'm aware of the pressure that's ongoing. thank goodness for the extension of assignments - it just gives us more time (and cultivate the lazy cells) to complete those essays.
but once again, nothing too difficult for me to handle.
"i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - philippians 4:13
08:16
Saturday, September 09, 2006
clay aiken's album is coming out on 19th september!
we went to watch forbidden city on thursday night, and what a thrill it was. i loved every single moment of the musical, the theatrics, the music, the voices. it was breathtaking. for those two hours, we were taken away to this magical musical land where music and voices, illustrating the story of empress cixi dominated all of our minds.
i wouldn't mind going again, but for now, i'll be contented with listening to the soundtrack.
but i told my mom that i'd be performing there one day. i think she thinks i'm joking.
we'll see lahh.
but friday night was exciting, in a totally different way. i can't disclose the reason because i'll get into s-e-r-i-o-u-s trouble if i do, but trust me ya?
*it's a secret!*
00:59
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
God is great.
i actually passed my piano exam! it has always been a big wish of mine, to clear it all before i turn 21, and i actually did it!
it's such a huge relief off my shoulders. and once again, like i wrote many months before, that it was really His work. i just trusted, and depended on Him. and He delievered.
He's my deliverer.
this news certainly did a lot to make me so much better, especially after yesterday's (self-inflicted?) emotional drama. yet, i wished that i could share my joy too. it serves as a reminder, to let me know that as long as i entrust it to His hands, He will bring forth whatever you asked.
Thank You.
09:37
Monday, September 04, 2006
papajoe says that he's having his doubts about what's going to happen, especially when i spoke to him about my decision. i know that it is unlike me, since i've always been an advocate of 'giving in' and compromising situations.
yet, it's also amazing, the peace in my heart about this.
before it all began, i had asked for the Lord's protection, especially of my heart. all of these begun with complications, and at a rapid speed far more unimaginable. somehow, those complications had seemed to grow and develop to a greater degree. perhaps it's more of my mind at work, i'm not sure.
i'd admit that it has been a dream, and a fantasy that came true, since those were what i had prayed for. but the promise of something better still remains in my heart. especially when the Lord's sovereign voice spoke again yesterday.
of course, i'm not sure what's the something better, but my heart and mind remains hopeful in the Lord.
i'm loving you from the inside out.
everlasting. never-ending.
from the inside out of my soul.
10:29
