you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

writing this, brings tears to my eyes.

too much baggage right now by things that i've never imagined would happen in my life. and it's not something that i'm ready to embrace and/or confront.

i've been running away from the axiom that everything will be alright for everyone, yet i fail to realise how wrong i have been.

i tell everyone how i hate double-standards, how i hate people act and behave like double-edged swords, yet how can i speak forth of having faith and believing in things that i don't even know if i truly hold these true to my soul?

loretta often told me how escapism will kill me one day - how authentic that statement holds today.
(digress a bit: i finally met her! ohmygosh, she just constantly reminds me how much i need her around in my life!)

forgive me for not being myself for the past week, for matters of the heart and soul have kept me away. i'm not asking for your understanding in this. i'm not even sure if understanding from you is what i want.

i need to do this.

i don't want to go through the journey ahead without knowing what to expect. i know i lack the ability to foresee the future, yet i don't wish to walk ahead with doubts lingering.

not even a mambo italiano can take away the blues this time.

dear lord,
i'm helpless.

we all are going thru uncertainty of what's next. we can only wait upon You, lean upon You, hoping for an answer coming from You. we tear, we cry, we kneel down, begging, pleading for You Lord. why do You let us go these? all these emotions of agony, of sadness, of pain, of discouragement, of anxiety, of uncertainty - that makes us all go crazy?

i don't even know what to do.
i'm not even sure if i'm able to do anything.

Lord, i am really feeling helpless. this is driving us all crazy.

we know that Your ways are higher than ours. please Lord, let everything be ok.

in Jesus Name i pray,
Amen

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