you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

if you could see, what i see
you're the answer to my prayer
and if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
you will know, it will be clear
that angels brought me here

the art of surrendering is not something that i've been able to master. i've learnt to work for my own survival since the day when i was 12, and time stood still for all things magical. life to me then, was going to NOT be a bed of roses, but just filled of thorns and edges, all things sharp and painful.

but when i was on my own today, thinking and meditating about everything, i realized the need to surrender. unlike all lost souls, i'm a saved baby. unlike all wonderlust, i can return to the arms of my Father who loves me unconditionally.

i realized i cannot handle everything on my own. and that i cannot handle anything on my own.

realising the truth felt good. releasing all my emotional burdens and pressures of the world felt surprisingly light. relieved.

is these how it is supposed to feel like? to surrender it all to my Maker and letting Him handle it all? it's a tremendous load off.

but then again, i know that it's not something that i can do with a blink of an eye. the independence streak is strong inside, and would always be so.

the notion to do that has been strong since everything begun to fall apart. i knew the consequences of the matters; yet i was naive enough to believe that maybe this time round, maybe something would shine. i cannot forever be pleasing. i'm getting a little too naive for my own good. it appears that being independent and responsible for my own feelings, my own life are what's most important now. papa joel was right. if i dun take responsibility for my own feelings and how i feel about things, the person that will get hurt the most eventually is not the people that i care about, but really... just me.

things are going to be in a different order now. i'll just focus on things that i know i can handle. at the same time, after these all, it'd be just my dreams that i fulfill.

and my feelings that i fight to guard and protect.

what am i supposed to do with all these blues?
haunting me, everywhere no matter what i do
watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
i can't let go
when will the night be over?

01:26 | com[ments] |