you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

How could you wait another minute
A hug is warmer when you're in it
Oh baby, that's a fact
And saying I love you's always better
Seasons, reasons they don't matter
So don't hold back

finally have gotten the exams over & done with. i have no idea how i managed to smoke through communications, neither do i understand how i managed to blank out at sociology. but at least they're over. and i can take a break and focus on the other things that are impending.

but it feels kinda empty to have the papers over and we have no idea what to do for the next three months! of course, there are the bunch of us who are going on our respective holidays, and some of us are still planning that vacation to bintan (we're giving Bali a miss for now) next year.. as usual, waiting for XD!

we have to wait for XD for everything~! *grinz*

the past few days with the aftermath of the exams was fun! lunch at pariss buffet was absolutely sedap, and of course, all the laughter and the noise and the silly jokes and remarks! yesterday was fun at the zoo. zoo's always a place that i truthfully enjoy going. my apologies to the peps who felt that i was a little 'off'.. there was a big & heavy & terrible headache that was driving me crazy throughout the whole excursion.. the fact that i didn't have my panadol with me didn't help much either.

just when i thought i can do without all my pills & left them at Sam's car.. the headaches had to come!

nevertheless, i just feel a great amount of gladness & happiness to have these people around. i was sitting there, just watching all these people get along with each other, and i felt such a great amount of ease & comfort. XD's constant bickering with Nick is a great entertainment show to watch everytime they're together; similarly, the constant 'romancing' that JC is having with Kylie, and the constant 'picking' the girls have on JC. XD & Nick are 2 nemesis that just start bickering the very moment they meet (it puzzles me how they do that), but i know they are good pals really, and JC's just a real fellow that i respect. I mean, seriously, how can anyone tolerate all the nonsense that they give?

anyways, there are going to be plans for more things to come right? papa joel, waiting for you to plan something! i want to go ice-skate! or sentosa! or eat! or... anything!

keryn's tears on thursday reminded me of my own past. the frustration, the agony, the pain of not being understood. i felt for the both of them at that very moment, and for the past few days, i know i spend a lot of my time in my own state of perplexity questioning what was in my past. which party was i like? was i not understanding? demanding and unreasonable? or docile or extremely patient? did i make assumptions out of almost every single little thing? did all of these caused my downfall in my relationship?

so i was on the phone with a close pal of mine, and i was telling her about how i was feeling about all these things. yep, things have gotten a certain closure, and we've all moved on, doing our own things. yet, i've always felt a certain need to have answers to certain questions that would help me in what's to come. i might be able to declare that i'm not an unreasonable person, but am i expectant on things? will i get mad when things don't come out in the way i expect things, and is that right of me to do that?

and if i spend a lot of time with my friends, and totally ignores him, is it wrong of me to do that? i can say, i want my life with my friends, but if he feels ignored, how am i going to decide if who's right or wrong in it? because after all, what kind of relationship doesn't come with expectations and hopes?

and you know what my friend said?

"lis, you're fine the way you are. don't let what's going on around you destroy what you have had faith in God with. you've never loved anyone less, you've never given less. just have faith in Him."

is that God's answer to me? especially because of the confusion in my heart that's been lingering?

~~~

went back to the clinic today. it was busy, but not something i couldn't handle. was told to find out my schedule for the next few months, and work out something flexible so that i could commit myself more. but i'm not sure if it was something i wanted to do really. i'm been thinking if i should change working environments. or commit myself more to teaching. besides those things, the other important thing that has been lingering in my head, and has been desperately seeking an answer, was what i'm supposed to minor in. i know it was supposed to be sociology. but since making up my mind 3 weeks ago, i've never felt complete peace at the matter. so i've been praying, and thinking, and praying and asking for answers.

now i've gotten my answer: it's going to be journalism.

there's peace in my heart about this. so i'm sure that it's God's choice.

so now.. one's down. there's 4,685,187 more to go.

So don't save it all for Christmas day
Find a way, to give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas day
Find a way, cause holidays have come and gone
But loves lives on
If you give on love

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