you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

today feels somewhat quiet as compared to previous days. woke up later than usual for church, and struggled to stay awake thru service as well (sorry God). Went for the housewarming, and really, the purpose of attending it was to "show my face", and make my "presence" felt by whoever's attending it. it was also the rare chance for may and i to flaunt our singing voices without worrying about being judged by whoever's around (extremely applicable since there was no one). grandma came late, hence depriving me of a chance to talk to her as i needed to rush off to the clinic.

three hours at the clinic passed by quickly. i prefer sundays now, since they're much more productive as compared to saturdays. the hype sometimes overwhelms me like today, but its not anything that i can't handle.

town was surprisingly quiet today, with none of the squeezing of human sardines happeneing on the trains or the shops. maybe it's because of the lantern festival, but it sure feels weird. anyway went back for the house warming, and now, i'm finally back home sitting in front of my pc, staring at communciations and lamenting to myself about the splitting headache.

i'm real tired and exhausted actually, by the heavily packed deadlines and commitments, and came close to screaming my lungs out at anyone who came close to provoking my patience cells which are growing weaker as i write. i hadn't been as bubbly or energetic or responsive during phone conversations, and hadn't exactly been the best companion to anyone too. really can't wait for the next few days to come to an end, and i'm looking forward to thursday where i'll reward myself with a day of indulgent pleasures (think: junk food, novels, television & magazines).

i feel a sudden need to spend time with my family, friends and loved ones. as though i'm deprived of love. or maybe juz need some sanity or reassurance that i'm not alone. at the same time, i craved solitude with a sudden physical clench that jolts me. yet, even as i write, i realized how much time i actually have. i wonder about why we're only given 24 hours, and 7 days, when most of us would give an arm and a leg for 12 hours more each day. there's just too much to do, too little time. the desire to runaway from these all remains strong; yet, to escape from the realities of my world seems kinda dumb of me and i'm not a quitter.

so, as much as i'm really keen on throwing the towel, maybe it's just not the right time to do so. i'm still tired and exhausted by whatever's going on, and i still worry for whoever that's around and hurting in their own way, and although sometimes i don't understand why things happen for whatever reason, i'll still sing a song in my heart that all of these are God's work. and it's just his way of moulding me and helping me to be a better person, and a better child of his.

to all of my friends who are hurting, going through rough patches or just feeling real miserable, i hurt for you, and your pain's in my heart. i'm here for ya ok?

to God, i'll still sing a song in my heart. coz you never let me go.

21:18 | com[ments] |