you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

today was a day of strange and jumbled emotions, a day mixed reactions to surroundings, and a day of pure joy and elation when we all felt the presence of God.

you know how pleasant it is to have god's voice surrounding your natural surroundings? such sweet joy & elation & comfort. today's service was great. worship was great. i was tearing at some point because it just grew to be so strong. and the sermon was great too. i initially had fears of listening to prophetic services. my impression of prophetic services are strong, *point fingers* kind, and like having the discipline mistress screaming at you. but it wasn't anything like that. it was simple, soft & yet impactful. the guest pastor prophesize over several of the pastors. mag & evie too i think. in my heart, i was so scared. but it all turned out well.

think spiritually, today was a day where i felt a great yearning towards His goodness. sometimes in my heart i'd wonder & ponder about what it is that i'd want from Him. His peace? His grace and mercy? His patience? His strength & wisdom. i couldn't decide. today i realized that it's not a multiple-choice question, but a question that is open-ended, filled with lots and lots of lines. my heart was weeping for the people who responded to the altar call, because some of them are people whom i knew were burdened, and to see them all just leaning towards Him.. i was touched. and i believe that God will do great things upon them.

went to work at the clinic today too. it's the first of the many 'sundays' that i'd be involving myself in, and i always think it's amazing that god's mercy & grace is upon me, even when it comes to the job at the clinic. it was very busy, but at least, it was 3 hours well-spent.

been thinking about what the pastor preached about today. hit a chord really. something simple in the Word could bring forth so much really. it's as though the verse is speaking to me about something.

"martha, martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." - Luke 10:41-42

strangely enough, as christians we all know what that one thing is. yet, as humans, we are born to be worried and upset about many things. i don't know of anyone who don't worry really. and as much as we try to tell ourselves, that god is in control, it's human nature to worry.

so how?

anyway, this weary heart sees a need to guard herself from everything now. i'm becoming too sensitive to what's around. i realized that now, coz i'm too easily affected. becoming guarded from the outside world.. never seems to be an easy thing. especially now when i've just started to do it. seems as though the more we want to do it, the more it'd hurt.

think what's worse is that sometimes i don't even know what the hurt is.

i've been having recollections of what's in the past in my everyday life. sorta like flashbacks, the way they resurface back to the ground. and like flashbacks, they remain there after a while.

so, it's a little hard. but i'm learning to get used to it now.

21:54 | com[ments] |