you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

life is full of a pack of lies. deception. hurt. pain. mistrust. betrayal. dishonesty. hypocritcal people. letdown. agony. sadness. tears. sorrowful words. discrimination.

we lead a life of wanting to see the truth. the simple truth of the matter. honesty. fairness. loyalty. justice. wanting to find trust. good integrity. honour. goodness. sincerity.

but as much as we yearn for it, we know it will not happen. it will not occur. not even in the world that we call our home. not even in the definition of friendships. or in the working world where cooperation, teamwork is essential. not even in schools where instead of the so-called educational knowledge, students gain knowledge in hypocrisy, in being cunning.

is this what the world has turned into?

i sit around my place these few days, pondering about things. spending time talking to a few people, but mostly keeping thoughts to myself. the truth of the fact, the realization of the world sank in, and i grew depressed. upset. confused. tired even. how many people we can trust in the world that we live in? how many do we know, whenever we turn to, that person will always be there? how many times have we grew upset, hurt, and disappointed at how the world, or how the person could just turn against us just because of his/her actions?

how many times can people climb from the drop of the stairs and just start climbing to the top of the well again? how many times can the wound be healed totally so that the climb would be smooth? how many times can one see the sunshine?

JUST HOW MANY TIMES CAN ONE DO THAT?!

i know that i might not be able to do it when the next time something like that happens. i know that i might just throw in the towel and give up.

i'm not the only one. and i won't be the only one. we go through these day by day. all of us. everyone.

we're not even talking about physical wounds. what's here, is the wounds inside your heart. inside your soul. wounds that are words are unable to comprehend. wounds that tears just don't explain enough. wounds that even the continuous cutting of the body or the wrist can't erase.

i know there are lots of self-help books. lots of talk shows that speak of the wonderful goodness of the world. and i'd be happy to admit to you that i'm in love with such books, and talkshows that speak of wonderful, beautiful, honest goodness. the impact of the wonderful world that we all yearn to have is what drives me from time to time. these are people who believe in goodness. continuously do so. how many lives have been impacted and changed by chicken soup for the soul? or by oprah?

no, i don't want to talk about anything.
this is my avenue of my thoughts.

many times i've been sitting here at the pc over the past few days, wanting to get thoughts out of my head, and yet; when i want to type out my thoughts, i just feel so.. sad. so discouraged at how man-kind can be so so cruel. so heartless. how people can be so manipulative about lies. how friends could just turn against you, just because of your difference in beliefs. how family can have such hypocrisy existing, when you're supposed to be family.

sometimes its good to be a child. to be a little baby. sometimes its better that we don't grow up. and let things remain the way they are.

and sometimes, it's also easier to runaway.

i've never understood the reason for people who ran. i felt that they are cowards, unable to face the truth. unable to challenge themselves to the truth. but now i understand. because after a point, no matter what, we all give up. just like when our bodies age, so does our hearts.

physical illnesses can be healed by the advances of technology.
but illness of the heart.. we've never found the technology of the cure.

and perhaps, some of us might never will.

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