you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

these few days have been very much relaxing. though i had a big shock yesterday when sharene told me about zoe's incident in phuket. i thank god she's alright, and not injuried or anything. it's been such a rough year for her, and sometimes all i want to do is to reach out to her, to tell her that i'm here and god's here. and we don't want her to go through all of this alone. yet i know that at the back of her head, she might be having the wrong impression and think that maybe i'm preaching too much to her. so i did take a step back and now all i can do is just quietly pray for her to draw herself closer to the Lord, and surrender herself to Him too. probably very tough because she refuses help or refuge, and chooses to live her own life. i was thinking about her throughout yesterday and when i prayed, i felt at peace. yet i sense a need for me to do something about it. i just don't know how to. god, grant me the strength and the wisdom to help zoe through this period of time, for i know she needs it so much.

i'm looking forward to the holiday weekend. spending time with the important people in my life who love me so much.. it's a true blessing. christmas eve with my girlfriends, christmas with my cousins, and boxing day with my new-found close-knit friends from the poly forum. i know we are all excited at the propsect of spending the time together, and it always makes me very excited when christmas is around the corner. i've decorated 2 trees, put some fake gifts under my tree, thought about my christmas shopping list for my friends, and just happily embracing in the sharing & caring part of this wonderful season. just hadn't found the energy to put my feet down into embracing the orchard shopping crowd. i should do it on a weekday and in the day time too. to avoid the shopping crowd & the thefts going round during this period of time. hopefully, can talk my cousins into going into town to take some pictures with the nice trees & lights.

this year has been the most emotionally draining year of my life, for all reasons that i shan't mention anymore. i'm surprised, yet thankful, that i've still be able to survive through all these. being an emotional person, it is really hard to see all these happening through.

i wish sometimes i'm a child. a little girl with the 2 pigtails at each end of my head, running along the corridor of the void deck, cycling in the park, having daddy pushing me high up at the swings, and kicking my foot high up. happily dipping my tiny fingers into the pond and throwing bread for the fishes, blowing bubbles high into the sky, screaming "bye bye" to the aeroplanes that fly above the sky, running to ronald mcdonald for the extra balloon after playing at the mac playground. not troubled by the pain that goes through every heartache, not knowing how it feels like to have a heart that cries, not being able to experience betrayal, no suffers from the accusations that have been wrongly stereotyped.

i wish, all i knew in the world was, how to receive the love that people give. and never knew how hurt could do to damage a person's heart or life.

but it's through all these experiences where one grows.. i'm no longer that thin, no longer that weak, and no longer that vulnerable. i've made new friends, embrace life with a brand-new reason. in the past, it used to be for only that one reason. now it's living my life, most importantly, for God, and living my life for all my friends, and my loved ones.

last but not the least, myself. and what God has got in store for me.

with all i am

into Your hand, i commit again
with all I am, for You Lord
You hold my world, in the palm of Your hand
and I'm yours forever

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
with all I am

I'll walk with You, wherever You go
through tears and joy, I'll trust in You
and I will live, in all of Your ways
and Your promises, forever

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
with all I am

I will worship
I will worship You

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
with all I am

13:36 | com[ments] |