you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Friday, December 31, 2004

my last entry of this year. soon we'd be blinking at the year 2005, and what a terrible welcome it will be. the tsunami really shocked everyone, and it's been quiped as the worst earthquake in 40 years. it's like the worst disaster that can ever happen. places where it was hit.. the maldives, sri lanka, india, indonesia, thailand, malaysia. i thank the lord that i'm blessed in singapore.. where the big sumatra has blocked off these plate movements and protected us from danger. could you imagine how it'd been if singapore was hit? we'd have been homeless. all of us. i sat in front of the tv just a few hours ago, and was just absorbing the news that was coming in. at 2130, it was broadcasted that 117,000 people had died. in 1 1/2 hrs later, channel news asia report that the number had rose to 120,000. i was just bewildered. simply bewildered. my heart cries out especially to the children who have lost their parents, parents who lost their children, lovers who lost husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends, survivors searching for lost family members. buildings can be built, careers can be established, money can be earned. but relationships.. just ends off right there and then. each day blinks the probability of finding survivors, and coffins are built by the minute to put these corpses. did you see how brutal the bodies were? how scarred they were? how they just lay beside each other?

just to think that a few weeks ago, i was in bangkok, having a great holiday. now, the capital city is scrambling to help these victims in phuket, the phi phi islands.
just to think that a few days ago, i was talking to serene about us taking a trip to thailand next year to soak in the sights, scenary & the exotic islands.
just to think that when the incident happened, i was having a great christmas celebration with my friends.

sometimes i feel the lord is just punishing people with this. look at the countries hit. i'm not sure about the maldives, but sri lanka has always had this political unrest going on with the parties. thailand had terrorists at the south, same as for malaysia & indonesia and all these JI stuff that was causing so much controversy.. it's like telling everyone, "watch out, i'm coming.." it's scary isn't it? and it was all these developing countries.. could you imagine if it's london? melbourne? boston? new york? milan? paris? i just can't imagine the bigger amount of devastations..

ok on the lighter stuff..

i started school already!! oh goodness.. i don't know why i said i missed school.. but when i came back and saw those tests, projects, entrepreneurship day, and open house and everything.. i just wonder how we can cope with just 11 weeks of school! i happen to be one of the casualities when the change of the timetable thingy was announced.. but one of the best things about going back to school once more.. is that i can see all my friends once more!

firstly, jo ang. can tell that this past holiday was quite a hard one for her especially since what happened at home. yet, she is soooooo quiet about what's going, and i just want her to know that i'm here for.. and you know what's the other good thing? can sit beside her during the lectures and can just scribble notes!! ok, but we didn't do it this week because we both were striving to pay attention.. hahahaha.. think we wanna do well lah! den she keep saying i'm soooooo uptight! i shall loosen up myself! "Can you keep up, baby boy, make me lose my breath, bring the noise, make me lose my breath.. Hit me hard, make me lose my ah, ah.." ok ok.. i shall shut up.

and jane is just as clean as ever.. "don't put my magazine on the table!" hahahaha.. can't even eat my beehoon in peace with her nagging about the cleanliness about everything.. but she's still as fun as ever.. just that she don't want to sit with me and jo already.. *pout pout* but i'm so lucky we all managed to be real good friends.. me and her and jo!! so lucky so lucky!!

of course, with sharene not around now, i'm left with meh meh, zoe and nana.. for fun and laughter, peace and joy.. but of course we know we'll have so much fun with everyone else in class!

oh yes, and the occasional lunch with kelly, serene, and max coming sometimes.. just wish trigger's more free!!

2004 has been a very bumpy year right at the beginning. all i wanted was to be able to strike a balance at everything. family, friends, school work, piano, teaching, and also at my own love relationship. after a while realized that i'm not superwoman, and i can't do anything or be able to cope with so much anymore. realized the true importance of commitment and the amount of hurt it could come with betrayal, pain & heartache from not one, but two.. incidents. the pain was huge.. because i thought they really did care for me. maybe they did, but i don't know.. somehow, after i've let go of those two, things got belted together in the way i wanted it to be. and i also learnt to be more in control with my emotions, feelings. it's great to know that GOD now in control of my own life. no more seeing the need to keep how i feel about stuff to myself. but, it came with a lot of price though.. my girls would know. no more the girl that shows whatever she wants. even if heartbroken and on the verge of tears, you won't see me cry. unless it's all the laughter lah.. that you won't miss about that about me!

and you know what's the best thing out of everything? i realise that i'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide world! because i have people who love me soooooooooo very much! *grinz*

1. heavenly father - thank you for loving me so very much! and renewing my heart ever so clearly!
2. family - my daddy & mommy, may, bryan, anna, eugenia, alan, nana and everyone else! i'm lucky to have such a close-knitted family, and even more luckier to know that i have all of you in my life.. especially when i needed you all the most!
3. my best girlfriends - loretta, chunman, taoying, cheryl, amanda, chynna, yanzhen & y.y - 6 years of friendship isn't easy to maintain but i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad we did.. thanks for being there when i needed all of you.. "together at last, together forever... i don't need anything, anything anything.. i don't anything.. but you!"
4. S club - hahaha.. serene, trigger, joanne, kelly, marcus, eng meng, stewart, daniel, terence - yoo hoo!! having you all around are soooooooo wonderful! all of you.. sooo sweet to see how we've bonded! especially serene, daniel, joanne & terence! call and sms even when i know you are sooooooo busy to keep tabs on me when i was having those stupid pains on the stomach! so thankful! hahaha.. you all make me smile!
5. sharene, zoe, meh meh, lyuina, shao bing, jerlyn, thaddeus, jia hao, marcus, jegan, anne marie, tiffany, jo, jane - life in poly couldn't have been more wonderful nor complete without all your presence! hahaha... thanks for everything.. and sharene! you promised you'd take care of yourself ok?? thaddeus.. you too! i'd miss you two so much.. remember.. Jesus Loves You!!
6. everyone else i forget to mention.. my eyelids are drooping so please forgive me! i love you all too!

till next year,
i'm a blessed child of God..

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