you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

ok, just a short one before i go to bed.

these few days have been walking around a lot. monday walked the whole of east coast park (i got down at a few bus stops too late), and went to sentosa on Tuesday to have lunch wif my ex-colleagues at sentosa. the strangest thing is, i sorta miss miss it working there. I miss Cindy, Hazel, Jaslyn, my boss Clara, and all the other colleagues there, but I still don't know if this is something that I'm keen on doing long-term. Probably not. But it was still nice to go back there and eat together. When I arrived there it was,

"Melissa, come back and fold statement of accounts!"
"Help me with the filing!"
"Melissa, take my drink from the pantry."
"Melissa, the parking coupons!"

Sigh... that was fun.

Monday went to East Coast for the class BBQ. I knew that I was going to be there for just a short period of time, and i wanted to make the most use of the sun; it was also very weird to step into the park after 3 months of not going there. It brought back a lot of memories. That was the place that Terence really broke the news. It made me sad, thinking of the night when I felt as though the whole world came crashing down. But standing by the beach and looking at the waters and thinking about.. I'm not really sure what, really made me realise that I'm really a very strong person and I am already on the process of getting over this heartache and am seeing in myself, lots of things for me to be happy about, to be glad about, to be thankful about. If there's anything I hate about the way things are going right now, it's really just the fact that there are people who just still choose to not believe me when I say that I'm happy. People who still think that I'm lying to myself when I say that I don't love Terence. People who still think that I'm just putting on a brave front in front of everyone.

Of course there are some unspoken feelings and scars that will remain that way now in my life, but I do not wish to dwell on it anymore. Which is why I'm embracing a lot of other things in my life that really makes me a lot happier. I just don't understand it! It just makes me very confused really. I left East Coast on Monday very troubled by what I heard from Zoe. I know she meant well, and I know she's just very concerned about me, but if there's anything, I believe that nobody should think that I'm putting on a brave front, and nobody should think that I'm hiding myself when I say I'm happier.

That night, I was determined to find out the truth about what people thought of me. I think I msged more than 10 of my friends. Some friends, my girls, my family. And I couldn't believe the answers I got! I really became very irritated and terribly annoyed with some of the answers and replies I got from them. Gosh, there are people who were in marriages for more than 20 years, and ended up in divorce and now happier, and all those heartache and pain were forgotten! Mine was only 3 years! And we weren't even engaged or anything! So when i say it's over, why don't somebody just believe me?

It's different really for all people. It took me quite a while to get out of my misery and I can safely say that I've already let myself out of that dungeon and am learning. And I can say that because I have the support of my family and my girls, and friends whom I know constantly believe in me and have been praying for me as well. And God! I turned to God, and He's here.

Please, go ask May, or Bryan, or Anna, or Nana or Chunman, or Loretta or any of my girls. They'd tell you, this Melissa is different now. This Melissa is indeed a lot happier.

And if anyone still choose to not believe me, then I guess I wouldn't want to try to change your opinion. It doesn't matter to me.

02:23 | com[ments] |