you.me.and a thousand different ways.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

So the whole Singapore this week was glued to the TV set, watching three different things. Ronald Susilo's victory & defeat in badminton, Li Jia Wei's victory & defeat in table tennis, and those singers vying for a chance to be Singapore's first Idol. Watching those 2 athletes fighting for Singapore's glory does spur on some motivated national spirit, and sometimes it just does make me wonder, if there isn't such a big emphasis on these competitions and indirectly giving so much pressure to these athletes, would they be able to excel beyond these expectations? I mean, how many of us were glued to the TV when Ronald won his first big tournament? How many of us were even AWARE of the fact that he had gone for it? And for Jia Wei, when she scored gold at the Commonwealth Games, or winning the US open? Were there live telecasts showcasing them? Were there articles in the newspapers focused on their lives, their training sessions? Maybe the pressure is just coming not just from themselves, but the big pressure that the country as a whole, have placed on them. All those reports on the cash incentives... I doubt these athletes were going their all for the cash incentive really. I mean, I would never think of all the cash prizes! It's really more of a personal achievement, a glory brought to the country, a proud moment of yours, your family and your friends right?

Bryan and I and Nana could hardly keep our eyes off the TV yesterday when we were watching the semi finals at grandma's. Nor could Pearlyn keep her fingers off from the handphone (because she was constantly updating the score to May). But tonight, I think the whole family might end up being glued to the tv watching Jia Wei (hopefully) getting a bronze, and claiming some personal glory, and country's pride as well.

It's just how I feel ok?
Sports aside now...

Weekends have more or less started to fall into a routine that I think I've learnt to be very comfortable with. It would of course begin with spending friday night at my grandma's place with all the cousins! Saturday morn, I'd be either teaching piano, or would be studying. After lunch and a short nap, it's preparing to go to church with Sis Nana for service, and followed by dinner back at my grandma's place. Saturday nights will be burning through the midnight oil too, doing my studying, reading, watching VCDs or DVDs or cross-stitching. That'd be my personal private time for myself. Sundays, probably will be teaching another student on the mornings, and my routine grocery shopping; lunch, a little studying and going back to my grandma's for dinner, or going for dance. It sounds as though it's something that I'd enjoy a lot. It sounds like a completely Melissa thing.

I finally finished I kissed dating goodbye. And with that book comes strong knowledge, a deeper understanding, a more renewed Melissa. It's so true what's written in the book. And I'm so going to follow it. I think that's really what I want now. To prepare myself rightfully, for the man that God wants me to spend the rest of my life with. In the book, it was mentioned, never ever go out with guys/girls individually if your relationship with that person is
(a) your best friend
(b) someone you like (as a friend) / and it's the same both sides
(c) someone that you're attracted to

Sigh... I just wished that I had read the book earlier. I think the title is indeed very deceiving! (Sharene, you're so right!) But I so enjoy the book. This book does come at a time when I'm in search of answers, to help me to move on. I'd honestly recommend it to almost everyone!

Kaishi, you better read it! It's your da-jie talking to you now. There's no way I want to see you go through whatever you went through now. Enough of the heartache, and embrace what's new and more beautiful and wonderful and pleasant and perfect in your life!

The lost of the unborn made me realise so much more, how wonderful and blessed we are, that as a family, we have each other around for comfort, to hold on in times like this when support is needed. It also gave me a chance to see how wonderful a husband's love is on his wife, if that love is God-blessed. I'm touched by what I saw these past few days with Paul & Nana. The kind of sweet understanding that Paul has for Nana, to not complain or mutter a word when Nana chose to stay at Shunfu, to be able to come stay together as well! He has absolutely nothing to do really, coz he doesn't play mahjong as much as we do... He was more or less just playing his restaurant empire game throughout. But it was so nice of him to not complain, and even teach Pearlyn & Bryan with the game, to help May with her assignment. That's the kind of love that I Kissed Dating Goodbye talks about. Having love, not just for the woman/man that you love, but knowing that he/she has the love for his/her family as well, and learning to love them as much too. That's the kind of love I wanna have!!

Ok, everyone wanted me to talk about my relationship with Terence. And some even felt that when I say I'm being stronger now, I'm learning to experience things now, I'm happier about what I have now... They think that I'm lying to myself, and lying to them as well. Look, I don't want to talk about it I know, but it's not because I don't want to rekindle my feelings or anything. It won't be rekindled! It's over, it's finished, it was a painful chapter, it has now closed. I don't have feelings for him anymore. I'm taking time off from that part of my life because I need to heal as a person. Because I was very much hurt, bruised, broken, and vulnerable. I need to learn to forgive, and forget. So I'm moving on, because i want to be strong, because I want to prepare myself for the perfect one, because I want to spend time with the people whom I love now. And it's of course, my family and friends.

To all of you, I just have to say this: if you still choose to not believe me, then I suppose I ought to say that I'm very disappointed that you feel that way. Maybe you should get come to get to know me more day by day now, and see the difference in my life. Because I want you to be proud and happy for me. When you come see my life now, you'd end up having your opinions changed.

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